Author, Speaker, Coach, Holy Yogi

ON WAKING UP THE MORNING AFTER LOSING YOUR FIRST BABY

 

J-

As I woke up today, all I could think about was you.

Just 24 hours ago, you woke up dreaming about what your future held. What if it’s twins?! You rolled over and whispered to your man with an adorable smile and mega morning breath, “today we get to see our baby!”

You guys probably spent breakfast talking nursery colors and baby names, because duh, what else was as important as those things?

Magic danced in the air. You kissed each other goodbye and went your separate ways, willing the minutes to pass faster until your ultrasound that afternoon.

In the waiting room, you pinned dreamy photos to your “baby stuff baby” board while your hubby played innocently with your long hair. When they called your name, both of your heart rates soared with anticipation.

Then, the news. The kind of news that takes your breath away. Something like, “Your baby hasn’t grown…the baby is gone….I’m so sorry.” The rest is probably a blur. I remember.

Getting texts like the you sent me just rip my heart out. Nothing I could say would make it okay, but I want to fix it so bad.

Today you woke up a totally different person. Just 24 short hours ago, you had no idea what it felt like to lose a baby. Nor did you ever think you would have to know what it felt like. But today, on this awful, terrible, please-let-it-all-be-a-bad-dream morning, you know.

Your heart is throbbing. You feel betrayed by your body. You fear the physical stuff you have to go through. You’re insides feel like they’re all being crushed. You’re shocked by how much you miss that tiny person whose eyes you never got the chance to look into. Whose face you never got to cradle and kiss.

So. Many. Emotions.

Each breath feels intense and heavy.

I just want to encourage you today. Not with false promises, but with three little messages of hope.

  1. Jesus will never leave your side. “He draws near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18
  2. You will meet your baby again. One of my favorite sermons is one about where babies go when they die. If you don’t have it in you to listen today, that’s okay. Just know that our lost little ones are precious to God and they’re in heaven with Him. We will see them again someday, in their perfect heavenly bodies and we will squeeze them so hard! Oh glorious day.
  3. You will find your breath again. It just takes time.

Cy when you need to, laugh when you can and keep taking one deep breath at a time. You are brave, girl. I love you.

~Liv

 

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